Searching for that tailwind

Hi friends!

I have been home in Tdot for about a week and a half now and it could not have been better timing.  So many big changes have happened since the last time I came back in December, not just for me, but also for the people and places around me (holy buildings in front of my house!).  It’s been great to catch up with friends and family, but mostly just comforting to be in their presence again.  It feels so good to be able to touch their faces in a moment of ‘IS THIS REAL LIFE (!!!!)’ and give them mass amounts of bear hugs without a screen separating us.  It’s really you!!!  I love the overseas life and wouldn’t trade it for anything just yet, but coming home to them every time makes me question if I actually love what I do that much to be able to leave them again.  The answer, (un)fortunately, is still yes (sorry, friends).  And even if it was a ‘no’ in a split second of weakness, they would slap me out of it, then pack for me and shove me on that plane.  They know … BLAM ain’t ready to settle down and she don’t stay for nobody.  Good and bad thing, I guess, but I’ll just leave it at that.

I apologize in advance if this post becomes a little disjointed.  My head’s been all over the place lately so my thoughts are a little scattered, but I’m working on it.  Yay for downtime during vacation.  Just kidding.  Gotta plan for my classes again soon #datteachinglifedoe #firsthashtaginblogpostsFTW

First song I woke up to this morning that got me fired up.  Absolutely love. 

I don’t even know where to start.  So let me just start with what I do know:

• It’s been another amazing year with my kids, colleagues, and friends over in the desert.  A stressful one filled with way too many emotional roller coasters in regards to our school, but all in all, I have never been happier, more fulfilled, more proud, nor learned more about myself.  Gonna miss those who are leaving (staff and students alike) but excited for them as they continue on their own journeys.

• This year has taught me the importance of authenticity and honesty.  Not just once in a while, but consistently with others and more importantly with yourself.  If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.  Like my ‘little big sister’ had told me, “grow a pair and handle it like the (wo)man that you are” (bahaha love you!).

• It’s okay to feel differently than I used to because I am constantly growing and changing.  As are you.  Feelings are feelings and we can’t help how we feel.  What’s not okay is not owning up to them because of fear – fear of what others might think, fear of hurting others, fear of how things will change and move out of our comfort zones, etc.  But what’s the meaning in it if fear is the only reason we hold onto something?  In the end, it only hurts us and those involved.  Can’t deal.  Won’t do it.

As most of you know by now, I’m a huge dork.  Love the cheesy.  Always try to draw life metaphors from, uh, everything.  Here’s one to kick off the summer. Going for runs have never been my favourite kind of workout, mostly because it’s hard, makes my heart/lungs/everything burn and I get bored and frustrated easily.  But, I’ve started doing it more in the recent years because 1) I’d like to improve my cardiorespiratory system so things stop hurting when I run, and 2) there is no cheating your way out of it and no shortcuts – you either run the whole 10km (cuz, uh, that’s how much I run easyyy … YEAH RIGHT), or you don’t.  You can’t run the first kilometre then run the last kilometre … that’s only two kilometres.  Just like in life, you put in the work go about it the right way, or you find shortcuts but cheat yourself.  (Definitely got that from a TED talk video I saw that I’ll have to find again – so good!)

Anyway, the other day I went for a run and the skies could not have been more grey.  I went anyway because I really needed to NOT gain 10 pounds from summer yoloing (sorry, I hang out with kids all year long) and to clear my head.  The winds must have known I was out because I was running against it for a good 10-15 minutes.  Most enjoyable run ever – said no one ever.  But after a while, the sun came out and mother nature finally calmed her shit (PMS maybe?).  I found a new route and decided to take it because, why not?  At the end of my run, the winds picked up again, but this time in my favour.  The tailwind guided me and gently pushed me along the already slightly downhill path until I got home.

Just like the resistance I’ve been feeling and am being challenged with right now, I know that I’ll have to work my way through it before things start to turn up again.  As for the new route, a new chapter of my life is definitely beginning and it is scary, though necessary.  I’m just searching for that tailwind now to guide me and give me a little (or big) push.  It felt like I was going to fall on the run – scary and out of control – but I was falling forward, getting to my destination a lot faster, with more adrenaline and thrill.  BLAM.

Barfed yet?  Bahaha I crack myself up sometimes.  Pathetic fallacy and life metaphors much?  Kadie, I hope you’re proud ;)!

I’ve got one more month left and things are going to pick up in craziness x10:

• More reunions, birthdays, and nights out on the town with the best of friends
• Dress fittings and shoe/accessory shopping for two weddings
• Three-day CTI course (so excited!)
• Bruno Mars concert
• Trip to Houston to visit my Saudi homies on their home turf …. EEK! 🙂
• VELD!!!
• Bestie’s bridal shower
• Standing with my soon-to-be-legit-Asian on her wedding day ❤ !

 

In between all that, plan for the year, eat and drink too much, try not to gain 1000 pounds, and catch up on sleep (yeah, that’s not going to happen).  It’s good to be home :).

To wrap it up:

Have a great week 🙂