Hi wonderful friends!
Hope you are all having a great start to the week. 4 more weeks until school’s out. Ahhhhh!!! I can hardly wait. Heading over to Dammam/Bahrain this weekend for a little fun with some great girls as a way to break this Saudi cabin fever for a bit. Taking a break tonight from grading/planning/chatting to instead do some reading and writing in my journal (and now here!). This week needs to be over immediately and I need to get out.
Thank you all so much for the wonderful feedback and messages after my last post about girls and when they begin to formulate negative thoughts about their bodies and who they are as individuals. Clearly, this topic hits a lot of nerves and I am so grateful to be reminded of how incredible my friends are – big thinkers, dreamers, and most importantly, doers. HIGH TEN TO ALL MY STRONG FEMALE ROLE MODELS OUT THERE!
Since then, this issue has taken centre stage in my mind again. I mean, it’s always been there, but was def put on the side for a bit while other things, also important to me, took precedence. Now that sports are over for the year, I can get my head straight again and get back to focusing my creative energy on this matter that I hold so closely to my heart. After all, this is what my future non-profit organization will be centred around – young girls/women, self-esteem, general female empowerment and ass-kicking. Need to get started on my 10 year goal! #WatchOutWorld #BlamIsComingForYa
When students (myself, or anyone really) need a little boost with their self-esteem, I like getting them to make a list of all the things they love and hate about themselves. I’m sure maybe some of you have done it as well. I could put a time on the clock and see how much they are able to get down, or just let them spend as much time as they need to on it. The important thing here is to get them to acknowledge their feelings, be accountable for them, analyze them so we can begin to identify the patterns of our thoughts, and subsequently learn how we can correct them. It is also a chance for them to see for themselves how easy it is for people to criticize themselves, as the ‘hate’ column would always fill up first, versus how hard it is to love themselves.
Today, I did one with a student but made two separate lists: one list according to how I used to feel when I was in MS/HS (probably longer than that since I didn’t begin to feel 100% comfortable with myself until a few years ago), and one list that is true to me now. About 5-7 minutes on the clock while she continued to add on to her list.
I wanted to show her the difference it makes when we put in the hard work to work on ourselves, and Lord knows I have done my share of work (and still a work in progress).
While it was fun to see the difference for myself and feel invigorated by how much I am now able to love myself (something extremely hard growing up), I was also gutted by a sudden realization. As I was completing my Now list, I overflowed the ‘love’ column in no time, while remaining stuck and SEARCHING for things to put down in my ‘hate’ column. The first item about my frizzy hair when humidity strikes doesn’t even count because I immediately comfort myself, thanking hair products and an appreciation for the afro look (even on me). The second about starting but never finishing books was the only thing I could really think of and isn’t even that big of a deal, yet I forced myself to write something down. I thought that by identifying my flaws, it would make me more ‘human’, ‘real’ and ‘relatable’ because there is always something that people should hate about themselves … right? WRONG.
This is exactly what is wrong with how we think as a society. Just because something is COMMON (i.e. thinking that there is always something we should or must dislike about ourselves), it doesn’t mean it is RIGHT. Also, just because there are areas of our lives that might need some improvement (and there always will be), it does not make it something we need to dislike ourselves for. Flaws are beautiful, often funny, and adds character (that’s what I tell my mother all the time when I break something at home). I’m glad I caught myself just before I was done with my girl to show her that I am susceptible to those thoughts as well, but it’s being able to catch myself and correct those thoughts immediately that makes the difference. I was also able to show her that it really IS okay to love yourself, wholeheartedly and unconditionally. It does not make you a narcissist. It makes you a powerful, courageous and absolutely beautiful human being.
I am so thankful for that epiphany and another reason why I love my job. In order to make a change and teach others the right way, I have to put in the work and get it right first. No excuses. No shortcuts.
“Throughout the universe there isn’t another person who exactly resembles me. I’m me and everything that I am is unique. I am responsible for myself, I have everything I need in the here and now to have a full life. I can choose to show what’s best in me, I can choose to love, to be competent, to find a sense to my life and an order in the universe. I can choose to develop myself, to believe in and to live in harmony with myself, with other people and with God. I deserve to be accepted and loved exactly as I am, here and now. I like and accept myself, I decide to live fully from today on.” – Virginia Satir
Wow. That was intense. Happy Monday lol!
Really though, ever catch yourself thinking or doing things just because you feel like that’s how you’re SUPPOSED to think, feel or act?
I want to hear what you think.
xo
This is [BLAM] I am 